By Kara M. Young
Do you remember group projects in school? Maybe you’re still in school and you still have to do them. If you’re anything like me, you think group projects are the worst! A project that might have been easy to do on my own would suddenly become complicated with the introduction of another person and the process of figuring out how to split the work. The only saving grace would be if my partner turned out to be someone who was competent, reliable, and who helped make the finished product better than it would have been had I done it on my own. And I think the same concept applies to relationships.
Let’s imagine that life is the project. You’re working on it, getting things done. You have your friends, family, teachers, etc., to help guide you and support you along the way, but the project is ultimately still yours. Then one day, you decide you want a partner…and that’s when it becomes really, really important to understand not only how serious that decision is, but also the purpose and intention that has to go into making it.
Creating an awesome “project” requires time, hard work, vision, and consistency. Once you become an adult, accomplishing your goals, figuring out what you want and where you want to take your life is totally up to you because you’re in charge and the only person you have to worry about (from a romantic standpoint if not from a practical standpoint) is yourself. When you start thinking about taking on a partner, one of the most important questions you’ll want to ask yourself is, “Why?” Do you want a partner because you don’t want to work on your project alone? Do you want a partner because other people have them and it looks like working on your project with someone could be fun? Or do you want a partner because you know who you are, what you want, where you’re going, and you’ve found someone who pushes you to better yourself in every way? Do you want a partner because you’ve found someone who is competent, reliable, and who helps make your life better than what you could create on your own?
Asking yourself those questions is important because a good partner is more than feelings or attraction. You can love your best friend and still not want to be partners with your best friend because your best friend is bad at projects. You can think someone is good-looking and still not want to be partners with that person because they’re bad at projects lol. You have to go into looking for a partner really thinking about it as a life partnership rather than something that’s just supposed to feel good or attempts to live up to a fairy tale version of what love is. Further, viewing your relationship as a potential life partnership makes it easier to focus on whether or not a partnership actually works instead of ignoring red flags or glossing over issues because you want to make it work. Why force a partnership that’s not going to produce a great project when you can focus on creating the best project you can unless/until someone comes along who can make you AND your project better?
I’m saying all this to say, you’re awesome. You’re capable. You’re here and you can put in the work to create the life you want for yourself. When you believe in your worth and the value you bring to a partnership, you know that you can’t partner up with just anyone and that’s not a bad thing. It may take some time, but if/when the right person comes along, you’ll see that a “group project” can actually be fun, and the outcome just might end up being better than you could have ever hoped for.