Tag: marriage

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You’re Worth It

Being a mom and a wife isn’t easy. If marriage isn’t complicated enough, adding kids and the military to the mix leads to a whole other mess of problems! I got married and had my children when I was still pretty young. Over time, I’ve learned how being a wife and mother increases the chances of losing your identity, or rather, not even realizing you have an identity because it gets lost in the daily hustle and bustle of caring for everyone but yourself. 

Growing up in church and in a God-fearing home, I was raised to always go to God first for everything. But then I grew up and life hit me at full speed. Before I knew it, I had a baby, a husband who was traveling the world with the military, and no sense of self. I was alone in a brand new place with no family and no desire to make new friends. I didn’t have anyone to tell me that I may be suffering from postpartum depression, so I just spent years in a dark and low place, wondering…why? Why did I feel so lost? Why wasn’t I thriving like some of my peers? 

Why did the darkness feel so hard to come out of?

My vision of being a wife and mother was nowhere near my reality. I constantly told myself that I wasn’t good enough, even occasionally questioning the reason I was alive. However, with time, I have learned to give myself grace. I expected so much out of my life while putting in so little. I wanted to have it all, but poured hardly anything into myself. Then I beat myself up because I was not where I wanted to be. It was like being in an abusive relationship with my subconscious. I had to wake up and get out! I also had to accept the fact that even though I’m not always where I want to be, it’s alright, because I’m right where God wants me to be. 

God put me on this planet for a reason and my purpose is in the process of being fulfilled. All the hurt, pain, and darkness were for growth. It took a while to get here, but ever since I allowed God to pull me out of my depression, my focus has been self-care. I’ve learned that when I’m at my best, everything else will follow and fall into place. If you’ve ever been on an airplane, you know that they tell you that in an emergency, you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can help anyone else. You can’t help anyone if you’re passed out, and you being passed out only makes things more difficult for everyone else. I think the same applies to life. When you feel like you have to meet all of your husband’s needs, make sure your kids are being poured into, and that your house is immaculate to the point that it feels like you’re drowning in tasks, remember to put the oxygen mask on yourself before anyone else. They need you to be awake and present, not drowning! 

So to all the moms and wives out there who sometimes get overwhelmed like I do, I just wanted to remind you that self-care is so important and you’re worth it. It’s okay to take some time for yourself, whether that means locking yourself in the bathroom to take a bath and read a good book uninterrupted, waking up an hour early to get in some yoga or meditation, or even going out and starting a kickball league with other moms. Whatever “fun” may be to you, find it and carve out some time for yourself every week and see how different your life will be in a matter of months. Also, don’t forget to take time daily to talk to your Creator and ask Him to pull you out of the darkness, however deep you’ve fallen, and show you the happiness you have been craving. Pour into self, and God will pour into you! 

I’m still a work in progress, but ever since I started following this plan, I’ve been happier than ever! No longer a “homebody,” I’m out making new friends, going to networking events, and working constantly on personal development. My kids see and feel the difference it has made, and they are also so much happier AND they are more behaved (moms know how amazing that is lol). It’s a win-win all around, and I hope any mamas and wifeys reading this can be encouraged to find their peace and happiness, too. I’m rooting for you. You got this! 

Tricia Bowman is an Entrepreneur, 
Personal Trainer, Mentor, and Bodybuilder. Also a mom of 3 and a military wife, she is excited to use her experiences and her gifts as a way of sharing the awesome love of God! 


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Relationships are like…Group Projects

By Kara M. Young

Do you remember group projects in school? Maybe you’re still in school and you still have to do them. If you’re anything like me, you think group projects are the worst! A project that might have been easy to do on my own would suddenly become complicated with the introduction of another person and the process of figuring out how to split the work. The only saving grace would be if my partner turned out to be someone who was competent, reliable, and who helped make the finished product better than it would have been had I done it on my own. And I think the same concept applies to relationships.

Let’s imagine that life is the project. You’re working on it, getting things done. You have your friends, family, teachers, etc., to help guide you and support you along the way, but the project is ultimately still yours. Then one day, you decide you want a partner…and that’s when it becomes really, really important to understand not only how serious that decision is, but also the purpose and intention that has to go into making it.

Creating an awesome “project” requires time, hard work, vision, and consistency. Once you become an adult, accomplishing your goals, figuring out what you want and where you want to take your life is totally up to you because you’re in charge and the only person you have to worry about (from a romantic standpoint if not from a practical standpoint) is yourself. When you start thinking about taking on a partner, one of the most important questions you’ll want to ask yourself is, “Why?” Do you want a partner because you don’t want to work on your project alone? Do you want a partner because other people have them and it looks like working on your project with someone could be fun? Or do you want a partner because you know who you are, what you want, where you’re going, and you’ve found someone who pushes you to better yourself in every way? Do you want a partner because you’ve found someone who is competent, reliable, and who helps make your life better than what you could create on your own?

Asking yourself those questions is important because a good partner is more than feelings or attraction. You can love your best friend and still not want to be partners with your best friend because your best friend is bad at projects. You can think someone is good-looking and still not want to be partners with that person because they’re bad at projects lol. You have to go into looking for a partner really thinking about it as a life partnership rather than something that’s just supposed to feel good or attempts to live up to a fairy tale version of what love is. Further, viewing your relationship as a potential life partnership makes it easier to focus on whether or not a partnership actually works instead of ignoring red flags or glossing over issues because you want to make it work. Why force a partnership that’s not going to produce a great project when you can focus on creating the best project you can unless/until someone comes along who can make you AND your project better?

I’m saying all this to say, you’re awesome. You’re capable. You’re here and you can put in the work to create the life you want for yourself. When you believe in your worth and the value you bring to a partnership, you know that you can’t partner up with just anyone and that’s not a bad thing. It may take some time, but if/when the right person comes along, you’ll see that a “group project” can actually be fun, and the outcome just might end up being better than you could have ever hoped for.