Tag: parenting

Posted on

You’re Worth It

Being a mom and a wife isn’t easy. If marriage isn’t complicated enough, adding kids and the military to the mix leads to a whole other mess of problems! I got married and had my children when I was still pretty young. Over time, I’ve learned how being a wife and mother increases the chances of losing your identity, or rather, not even realizing you have an identity because it gets lost in the daily hustle and bustle of caring for everyone but yourself. 

Growing up in church and in a God-fearing home, I was raised to always go to God first for everything. But then I grew up and life hit me at full speed. Before I knew it, I had a baby, a husband who was traveling the world with the military, and no sense of self. I was alone in a brand new place with no family and no desire to make new friends. I didn’t have anyone to tell me that I may be suffering from postpartum depression, so I just spent years in a dark and low place, wondering…why? Why did I feel so lost? Why wasn’t I thriving like some of my peers? 

Why did the darkness feel so hard to come out of?

My vision of being a wife and mother was nowhere near my reality. I constantly told myself that I wasn’t good enough, even occasionally questioning the reason I was alive. However, with time, I have learned to give myself grace. I expected so much out of my life while putting in so little. I wanted to have it all, but poured hardly anything into myself. Then I beat myself up because I was not where I wanted to be. It was like being in an abusive relationship with my subconscious. I had to wake up and get out! I also had to accept the fact that even though I’m not always where I want to be, it’s alright, because I’m right where God wants me to be. 

God put me on this planet for a reason and my purpose is in the process of being fulfilled. All the hurt, pain, and darkness were for growth. It took a while to get here, but ever since I allowed God to pull me out of my depression, my focus has been self-care. I’ve learned that when I’m at my best, everything else will follow and fall into place. If you’ve ever been on an airplane, you know that they tell you that in an emergency, you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can help anyone else. You can’t help anyone if you’re passed out, and you being passed out only makes things more difficult for everyone else. I think the same applies to life. When you feel like you have to meet all of your husband’s needs, make sure your kids are being poured into, and that your house is immaculate to the point that it feels like you’re drowning in tasks, remember to put the oxygen mask on yourself before anyone else. They need you to be awake and present, not drowning! 

So to all the moms and wives out there who sometimes get overwhelmed like I do, I just wanted to remind you that self-care is so important and you’re worth it. It’s okay to take some time for yourself, whether that means locking yourself in the bathroom to take a bath and read a good book uninterrupted, waking up an hour early to get in some yoga or meditation, or even going out and starting a kickball league with other moms. Whatever “fun” may be to you, find it and carve out some time for yourself every week and see how different your life will be in a matter of months. Also, don’t forget to take time daily to talk to your Creator and ask Him to pull you out of the darkness, however deep you’ve fallen, and show you the happiness you have been craving. Pour into self, and God will pour into you! 

I’m still a work in progress, but ever since I started following this plan, I’ve been happier than ever! No longer a “homebody,” I’m out making new friends, going to networking events, and working constantly on personal development. My kids see and feel the difference it has made, and they are also so much happier AND they are more behaved (moms know how amazing that is lol). It’s a win-win all around, and I hope any mamas and wifeys reading this can be encouraged to find their peace and happiness, too. I’m rooting for you. You got this! 

Tricia Bowman is an Entrepreneur, 
Personal Trainer, Mentor, and Bodybuilder. Also a mom of 3 and a military wife, she is excited to use her experiences and her gifts as a way of sharing the awesome love of God! 


Posted on

First-Time Fatherhood

Since the birth of our son, quite a few people have asked me, “How does it feel to be a father?” and I’ve never had a real answer. I’ve always said something along the lines of, “I don’t know,” or “I’m still processing it.” To be honest, at the moment of writing this, I still don’t believe I have an answer to that question, yet here I am writing on fatherhood, writing an answer to the question I’ve dodged for the last 3 months. So how do I feel? I have given it quite a bit of thought and there are a few feelings that I can point to.

The first emotion I’m working through is scared. I’ve always wanted to be a father, but I never truly understood the gravity of what that title held. Being a father meant I had to be a protector, priest, and provider for my family. And as a husband, you can add on the title of the “pursuer” of my wife. I guess the naivety was born out of how easy my dad made it seem to do all of those things for my brother and I. Never once did I worry about life while growing up. I didn’t have to worry about my next meal, clothes, or where we were going to sleep that night. I never worried about not getting birthday or Christmas presents. And don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying that if you did face these things, your dad wasn’t a great dad or that he didn’t try his best. I’m saying that based on my reality, fatherhood seemed effortless. I liken the feeling of being scared to the time when I turned 21. My parents sent me a card and the gist of it was “Welcome to adulthood, no turning back now!” I was terrified. It meant that I had to start being more responsible. I was about to graduate from college, head off to grad school, and I was officially about to live on my own for the first time. I had to get a real job and pay most of my bills now. All of that hit me at once and I was honestly scared. I was scared, but I didn’t run. Instead, I leaned into the challenge of adulthood and I’m still learning how to be a decent functioning adult. Now, I’m a husband and a father and again, I’m leaning into this new transition of life. There’s no turning back now. I read in a book somewhere that the difference between being scared and being excited is the way you think about the situation. The physiological response for both feelings is almost identical. So to be fair, I’m more excited than I am scared of being a father.

I’ve also learned that even with the work I’ve done on my ego, I still have quite a way to go (I sound pretty high and mighty there, I know). It’s funny because shortly after my son was born, my ego took a hit. All of a sudden I felt inadequate. I’m going to choose my next set of words wisely and I must admit this feeling was borne out of pride that got put in its place. Here goes. As a man, I have this inherent desire to want to feel needed. Naturally, when my son was born, I felt as if I would be the main one to give him the comfort that he needed. I was wrong. I’ll never forget the night when he was just crying and crying and nothing I did consoled him. However, his mother, in all her glory and love, was able to take him and soothe him to sleep. I was jealous, and in the immediate moment after that feeling, I asked myself, “Why do you feel this way? Why do you feel hurt? Bruised?” That taught me a lesson in humility. Sometimes (more often than not, to be honest), you can’t fix or solve all the problems. Know your limitations and let someone do the things you can’t. 

Lastly, I have had a mixture of feelings that can only be described as “pride and joy.” I’ve loved my son since before he was born, and to be able to hold him in my arms allowed a rush of pride and happiness to flow through me. I helped create this amazing human being. My son, my namesake, my seed. As I thought of all the things he’ll accomplish, lives he’ll impact, the company he’ll keep, pride was the only thing I felt. It was a deep sense of satisfaction and pleasure in believing wholeheartedly in the man I know my son will become. No matter how scared or how bruised my ego is, I will always love, protect, and provide for him. I vow to ensure that he can pursue his dreams and goals with my support. I vow to be the best dad I possibly can. 

So what’s it like being a father? This is my answer… for now. This journey has only just begun.

– James C  

James Campbell is a husband, father, and business owner with a background in Chemistry. His vision is to empower and mentor the next generation to their fullest potential, with the intention of creating a generation of leaders.