Tag: personaljourney

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Ashley’s Truth

by Ashley McBride-Braswell

I love Jesus. 

As long as I can remember, church has been a part of my life, from my mother’s womb (so churchy, I know-LOL), I have been surrounded and steeped in the Black church. 

And I loved it. The friends, the lessons, the warmth. The after service dinners and second service repass. Vacation Bible School during the summers and Sunday morning school with the snacks. I loved the kids choir and our annual Easter/Christmas plays. I loved it all and I have fond memories but somewhere along the way, I became disenchanted. 

It started slowly when I really began to read the Bible for myself and learn the original translations, much of what I thought I knew as “Bible” as the saints say, was nothing more than doctrine. 

And then I struggled. I struggled with my sexuality and being a 20 year old woman who just couldn’t stop sinning and having sex. I couldn’t stop going out and partying, living my best young adult life, and I couldn’t escape the condemnation I felt on Sunday and how I just needed to be holy and pure in God’s eyes. I couldn’t reconcile the rhetoric of the church where almost everything and every feeling is a sin. The constant threat of hell and it all became so arduous. Would I ever make it in?

I really tried. I followed Heather Lindsey and all the women in her purity movement. I committed myself to purity and giving up worldly things, and being the chaste, Godly woman so that God could reward me with a Godly husband, except all the church guys I dated where the worst.

So I stopped and I just started praying. I wrote my heart’s desires on sticky notes and pasted them to my wall. All my prayers for myself, family, friends, and issues in the world. I opened myself up to learning about different religions and stopped seeing people through Christian lenses instead as seeing them as people. 

And I slowly started to let all of it go. I didn’t care about someone’s faults or sins, I stopped caring about who others sleep with or their gender. I stopped requiring the world to hold on to my square box of beliefs and standards. I embraced people for who they are and what they are and I learned that the same grace God has given them to figure it out, He has given to me.

Do I still struggle with the indoctrination of church still? Absolutely. But I remind myself that I don’t know and I don’t have all the answers, and what I do know, is I’m still learning. And so I give others the grace I want to receive and treat them how I would treat myself. After all the two greatest commandments are 1) to love God with all your heart and 2) to love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:36-40

Ashley McBride-Braswell

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Relationships are like…Group Projects

By Kara M. Young

Do you remember group projects in school? Maybe you’re still in school and you still have to do them. If you’re anything like me, you think group projects are the worst! A project that might have been easy to do on my own would suddenly become complicated with the introduction of another person and the process of figuring out how to split the work. The only saving grace would be if my partner turned out to be someone who was competent, reliable, and who helped make the finished product better than it would have been had I done it on my own. And I think the same concept applies to relationships.

Let’s imagine that life is the project. You’re working on it, getting things done. You have your friends, family, teachers, etc., to help guide you and support you along the way, but the project is ultimately still yours. Then one day, you decide you want a partner…and that’s when it becomes really, really important to understand not only how serious that decision is, but also the purpose and intention that has to go into making it.

Creating an awesome “project” requires time, hard work, vision, and consistency. Once you become an adult, accomplishing your goals, figuring out what you want and where you want to take your life is totally up to you because you’re in charge and the only person you have to worry about (from a romantic standpoint if not from a practical standpoint) is yourself. When you start thinking about taking on a partner, one of the most important questions you’ll want to ask yourself is, “Why?” Do you want a partner because you don’t want to work on your project alone? Do you want a partner because other people have them and it looks like working on your project with someone could be fun? Or do you want a partner because you know who you are, what you want, where you’re going, and you’ve found someone who pushes you to better yourself in every way? Do you want a partner because you’ve found someone who is competent, reliable, and who helps make your life better than what you could create on your own?

Asking yourself those questions is important because a good partner is more than feelings or attraction. You can love your best friend and still not want to be partners with your best friend because your best friend is bad at projects. You can think someone is good-looking and still not want to be partners with that person because they’re bad at projects lol. You have to go into looking for a partner really thinking about it as a life partnership rather than something that’s just supposed to feel good or attempts to live up to a fairy tale version of what love is. Further, viewing your relationship as a potential life partnership makes it easier to focus on whether or not a partnership actually works instead of ignoring red flags or glossing over issues because you want to make it work. Why force a partnership that’s not going to produce a great project when you can focus on creating the best project you can unless/until someone comes along who can make you AND your project better?

I’m saying all this to say, you’re awesome. You’re capable. You’re here and you can put in the work to create the life you want for yourself. When you believe in your worth and the value you bring to a partnership, you know that you can’t partner up with just anyone and that’s not a bad thing. It may take some time, but if/when the right person comes along, you’ll see that a “group project” can actually be fun, and the outcome just might end up being better than you could have ever hoped for.

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Kara’s Truth

By Kara M. Young

Hi. My name is Kara. I was raised to be a Christian, but about 10 years ago, I made the decision to embark on a journey of spiritual and self-discovery. I started questioning the things I’d been conditioned to believe and I started learning to look at the world beyond what I’d been able to see through my own rose-tinted lenses. However, the more I grew, the less I fit in….anywhere, really. I knew there were people who were asking the same questions I was asking and who were on similar journeys, but I was never able to find an established religion or group or label that didn’t try to box me in. I didn’t want a millennial-friendly, repackaged version of the same things I’d been told my whole life, either. I had valid questions and real-life problems I was dealing with, but I couldn’t find a place where I was free to believe and grow as I saw fit and where I could actually do more than just talk about the pain and suffering in the world. I always hoped that one day I could create a space for people like me to be free, and it’s honestly crazy that my dream is becoming a reality.

The One Rule Church is a movement rooted in the belief that unconditional love is the highest moral imperative, and that imperative transcends time, culture, and religion. In other words, this isn’t your normal “church.” We call ourselves a “church” because we are a spiritual community, and we think it’s important to reclaim that word from all of the negative things it has come to mean for so many. For us, the difference is that we don’t pretend to have it all together. We don’t have one set belief system that everyone has to conform to. We don’t have a bunch of rules that everyone has to follow. We don’t believe that any one person or group has “the truth.” We’re just a group of people who are trying to make sense of the world and our places in it. We know we’re no better or “more enlightened” than anyone else and that we need to surround ourselves with people who are different from us because that is the only way we can continue to challenge ourselves to grow and become better. We believe that love, in its purest form, can be revolutionary.

Unconditional love is transformative. It brings healing to so much of the pain life has caused all of us, and healing those wounds allows us to view each other more clearly. Being able to see our humanity reflected in the next person despite our differences helps to dispell the fears associated with those we formerly couldn’t understand. And then love calls each of us to the highest level of personal accountability. It’s not about trying to change other people or looking to other people to confirm or deny what our responsibilities to each other are. It’s about each of us choosing to be the change we want to see in the world around us and setting the standard for ourselves rather than merely falling in line with what someone else has decided is “good”. It’s easy to believe that our responsibility on this planet begins and ends with not doing the “wrong” things. It’s harder to learn to live with the awareness that being your “brother’s keeper” means doing what’s actually best for someone else rather than getting caught up in our own presumptive opinions and agendas.

But don’t get me wrong lol I can’t paint a “picture perfect image” of myself and I have no desire to. I don’t always love the way I know I’m supposed to and some people may look at my life and say it’s too flawed to be starting something like this. I’ve only been married for about 2 months, but I have a son who is almost 14 months old (you do the math lol). I lived with my husband before we got married. I dress how I feel and it’s not always “modest” lol I like to go out with my friends when I can and I don’t always say the right things and I’m super sensitive and you know what? I’m not ashamed of any of it. It’s me. It’s real. It’s my life and I’m beyond proud of the person I am today and of the fact that I’m even still here because that means I didn’t give up, even on the days I wasn’t sure I could keep going. And if you’re reading this, I’m proud of you, too, because it means that you haven’t given up, either. It means I have the opportunity to tell you that you matter and you’re good enough and you deserve to be loved unconditionally because we’re all imperfect. We all mess up. None of us do everything right and you don’t have to be more than what you are to be seen and cared for. And I’m not just saying that because it sounds good. I’m saying it because I get it. I needed someone to say it to me. And that’s why it means so much for me to be present and give that to as many people as I can.

So that’s me. That’s why I’m doing this. I’m here because I need it as much as anyone else might need it and I’m just hoping that all the love-minded people can band together, support each other, and share our hearts with whoever needs that. If that’s not for you, no hard feelings lol I still love you. But if it is for you, I’m excited to move forward together in making love the solution 🙂

xoxo -ky