As long as I can remember, church has been a part of my life, from my mother’s womb (so churchy, I know-LOL), I have been surrounded and steeped in the Black church.
And I loved it. The friends, the lessons, the warmth. The after service dinners and second service repass. Vacation Bible School during the summers and Sunday morning school with the snacks. I loved the kids choir and our annual Easter/Christmas plays. I loved it all and I have fond memories but somewhere along the way, I became disenchanted.
It started slowly when I really began to read the Bible for myself and learn the original translations, much of what I thought I knew as “Bible” as the saints say, was nothing more than doctrine.
And then I struggled. I struggled with my sexuality and being a 20 year old woman who just couldn’t stop sinning and having sex. I couldn’t stop going out and partying, living my best young adult life, and I couldn’t escape the condemnation I felt on Sunday and how I just needed to be holy and pure in God’s eyes. I couldn’t reconcile the rhetoric of the church where almost everything and every feeling is a sin. The constant threat of hell and it all became so arduous. Would I ever make it in?
I really tried. I followed Heather Lindsey and all the women in her purity movement. I committed myself to purity and giving up worldly things, and being the chaste, Godly woman so that God could reward me with a Godly husband, except all the church guys I dated where the worst.
So I stopped and I just started praying. I wrote my heart’s desires on sticky notes and pasted them to my wall. All my prayers for myself, family, friends, and issues in the world. I opened myself up to learning about different religions and stopped seeing people through Christian lenses instead as seeing them as people.
And I slowly started to let all of it go. I didn’t care about someone’s faults or sins, I stopped caring about who others sleep with or their gender. I stopped requiring the world to hold on to my square box of beliefs and standards. I embraced people for who they are and what they are and I learned that the same grace God has given them to figure it out, He has given to me.
Do I still struggle with the indoctrination of church still? Absolutely. But I remind myself that I don’t know and I don’t have all the answers, and what I do know, is I’m still learning. And so I give others the grace I want to receive and treat them how I would treat myself. After all the two greatest commandments are 1) to love God with all your heart and 2) to love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:36-40
Since I was a little girl, I’ve always loved reading. The way an author could weave words together to create a world my mind could escape to was always fascinating, and as I got older, words became even more meaningful. I learned that the purpose of vocabulary wasn’t just to know a lot of words for the sake of knowing them. The purpose was communication; to have the tools necessary to be able to say exactly what I was thinking or feeling at a given moment. As such, I try to be very intentional about saying what I mean and meaning what I say….and that is why I could no longer continue calling myself a “Christian.”
A label is “a descriptive or identifying word or phrase,” and the purpose of any kind of label is generally to provide additional information about the person or thing it is being used to describe. A lot of people don’t like being “labeled”, and I get that. Labels can be restrictive and even inaccurate if applied incorrectly. However, I do think they’re useful when they’re used correctly because an accurate label can tell you a lot about a person without them having to say much at all. And I think, in the context of spirituality, calling yourself something is supposed to do just that: give context about who you are and what you believe in. So what exactly is a “Christian” and why isn’t that an accurate reflection of my beliefs?
A Christian is “a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Christianity.” I think this particular definition is important, because I think people like to classify themselves as “real Christians” based on a very broad conception of what it means to be a “follower of Christ.” However, what “following Christ” actually looks like in practice depends on who you ask, and I think we need to be more intentional about defining how much of “Christianity” is actually a reflection of Jesus.
Christianity is “the religion derived from Jesus Christ, based on the Bible as sacred scripture, and professed by Eastern, Roman Catholic, and Protestant bodies.” Christianity is the largest religion in the world with over 2.4 billion adherents worldwide. There are 30,000 different groups, branches, or denominations that fall under the banner of “Christianity”, and more than 1,200 in the United States alone. 30,000 groups of people reading the same book, examining the same beliefs, and coming to very distinct conclusions about what it all means. Most, if not all, of those groups teach that they have a monopoly on “the truth” and anything that conflicts with “the truth” is inherently false. That in itself was reason enough to make me stop and think for a second, because using such a broad umbrella to describe the beliefs of that many people is bound to create some confusion.
Further, I don’t think enough attention is given to the second half of the definition. I think a lot of people stop at “the religion derived from Jesus Christ” and don’t necessarily understand how much of what is “derived” from Jesus Christ gets filtered through the Bible as professed by Eastern, Roman Catholic, and Protestant bodies. Now, don’t get me wrong. Most people who read any kind of “holy text” just do the best they can to understand what someone who lived thousands of years ago was trying to communicate. That isn’t the problem. The problem is taking something that was originally communicated by an imperfect human being, translated multiple times by multiple imperfect human beings over a period of time spanning hundreds of years, interpreted by multiple imperfect human beings, millions (if not billions) of whom cannot reach any remote sort of consensus on what’s actually beingcommunicated, and then calling any of of those interpretations “absolute truth” as it pertains to a supposedly infinite God. Even if all of that boils down to some basic belief in Jesus’ role as the Son of Man and His blood as atonement for sin, how that belief ultimately translates to the life one lives and the way one treats the people they encounter, particularly people who don’t identify as “Christian,” often presents a stark contrast to the Spirit of the Man that person is supposed to be representing.
Let’s just be honest for a second, okay? If “just” believing in Jesus was really enough (John 3:16-17, anyone?), why is there a need for tens of thousands of different denominations and doctrines? Why isn’t it enough to just say “I’m a Christian” as a full expression of your beliefs? Or, if calling yourself a Christian only communicates that you believe in Jesus, why do so many people feel the need to follow up a statement of “I’m a Christian” with a long list of things they don’t agree with or subscribe to? If being a Christian were really just about Jesus, wouldn’t the teachings, the culture, and its standing in the world reflect that?
A popular argument I encounter often (and one that absolutely drives me crazy) is that people are imperfect and any group of people coming together is going to have its flaws, which is true. However, you cannot have it both ways. You cannot believe in a theology that hinges on reaching a state of spiritual perfection and then blame your humanity for your group’s inability to achieve said perfection, especially as you put your “truth” on a pedestal over those who don’t aspire to the same standards you do. You cannot say “God is all-powerful,” “God can do anything,” or “God is not the author of confusion” and then argue that God is “still in control” of mediocre institutions that often cause more harm and damage than they do good. You cannot say “nobody is perfect” when someone tries to hold you accountable for your shortcomings as people fill your pews (or watch your services online) week in and week out just to hear how terrible they are and that they haven’t “overcome” yet because their faith isn’t strong enough. You can’t tell people to have a “real” relationship with God just to dictate what that relationship and the fruits of that relationship are supposed to look like. You can’t scare people into submission to what you believe is the truth by insinuating in any way, shape, form or fashion that disconnecting from toxic, dysfunctional people automatically means disconnecting from God. You cannot center yourself as a victim when people who have been marginalized, abused, and left spiritually destitute by your institutions aren’t interested in hearing your version of the gospel. You can’t call that “Jesus” when what you’re reaping isn’t something He would have sown.
You might be thinking, “So what’s the answer? If Christianity is so bad, what are people supposed to do?”, but that’s not a question I can answer for you. I don’t believe you can call yourself a “Christian” and separate a pure belief in Jesus and His sacrifice from the harm Christianity has caused and continues to cause so many throughout the world, but that’s me. I cannot call myself something that isn’t a truly accurate reflection of what I believe and the God that I worship. Personally, I just did the work to find a label that did accurately communicate what I believe. I’m a Christocentric Agapist, which means that I believe that love is the highest moral imperative and that my belief in love is centered around my belief in Jesus…and only that. There are no boxes I have to fit into. There is no long list of doctrines I have to adhere to. I can ask as many questions as I want and I don’t have to limit myself to one perspective in my pursuit of the answers. I can say, “I don’t know” if I don’t find the answers right away, or if I don’t find them at all. I can say, “I don’t think I need to change this,” or “I know this is a problem but I’m not ready to change it” without feeling like I have to stay away from my spiritual community until I’m ready to live my life on their terms. I don’t have to worry about whether I’m doing everything “right” or who is going to judge me if I do something “wrong.” My beliefs aren’t reflected in the clothes I wear, the day I worship on, the kind of food I eat, or the doctrines I claim. My beliefs are reflected in how I try to treat the people I encounter on a day-to-day basis, the kind of person I try to be, and the peace I have within. I’m not perfect, but it is a keen awareness of just how flawed I am that allows me to have compassion for the imperfect people I can relate to and that allows me to pray that God gives me compassion for the imperfect people I struggle to have compassion for.
I do not believe in a theology that hinges on a state of spiritual perfection. I believe in a theology that teaches that Jesus lived a perfect life to pay the penalty for sin so that I could live a life of gratitude, compassion, empathy, and security in the fact that I am loved wholly and completely by an infinite, all-powerful, all-knowing God who has not only began a good work in me, but will see it to its completion. On God’s terms. In God’s time. All I have to do is let God be God.
Last week, we talked about how unconditional love overcome sin. Love is the greatest commandment. It is through God’s love for us that we are justified and we are sanctified through our love of God and our love for each other, because love is the fulfillment of the law.
This week, we’ll be talking about personal and communal accountability in the context of understanding God’s plan.
God has a unique, individualized plan for each of us, and it is not “one-size-fits-all.”
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,not a result of works, so that no one may boast.For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:8-10
Growth begins with personal accountability stemming from a personal, direct relationship with God.
“Judge not, that you be not judged.For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5
“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” Psalm 37:23-24
“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12-13
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. . . And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:6, 9-11
“Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:3-8
Communal accountability is an invitation, not a presumptive right, and even with an invitation, it does not involve “judging” behaviors/appearances without context and “counseling” absent divine inspiration/direction.
“Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh,and since we have a great priest over the house of God,let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:19-25
Keep 1 Corinthians 6:2-3 in context (Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? 3 Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life!).
“Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:3-11
“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12
“About the middle of the feast Jesus went up into the temple and began teaching.The Jews therefore marveled, saying, “How is it that this man has learning, when he has never studied?” So Jesus answered them, “My teaching is not mine, but his who sent me.If anyone’s will is to do God’s will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority.The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood. Has not Moses given you the law? Yet none of you keeps the law. Why do you seek to kill me?”The crowd answered, “You have a demon! Who is seeking to kill you?”Jesus answered them, “I did one work, and you all marvel at it.Moses gave you circumcision (not that it is from Moses, but from the fathers), and you circumcise a man on the Sabbath.If on the Sabbath a man receives circumcision, so that the law of Moses may not be broken, are you angry with me because on the Sabbath I made a man’s whole body well?Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:14-24
1 Samuel 16:7
“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” —Blaise Pascal
We all need to know where our beliefs stem from and why, but knowing what you think about something doesn’t mean much if you don’t spend time considering how what you think impacts what you do. Most, if not all, world religions/ideologies encourage us to be “good” people, but what does being “good” look like? Is being “good” based more on what we do (behavior) or on who we are (character)?
Here’s what we know:
The word character refers to “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” The word behavior refers to “the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others.”
Behavior modification is defined as “the alteration of behavioral patterns through the use of such learning techniques as biofeedback and positive or negative reinforcement.”
Behavior modification utilizes the idea that good behavior should lead to positive consequences and bad behavior should lead to negative consequences.
The four main techniques used to encourage behavior modification are:
Positive Punishment – adding a consequence that will deter a person from repeating the behavior. Ex.: Giving a child an extra chore as a consequence for lying when asked if he cleaned his room.
Negative Punishment – involves removing something from a person. Examples include taking away privileges or removing positive attention.
Positive Reinforcement – giving a person something that reinforces good behavior. Discipline that relies mostly on positive reinforcement is usually very effective. Examples of positive reinforcement include praise or a reward system.
Negative Reinforcement – a person is motivated to change her behavior because it will take away something unpleasant. Negative reinforcement can be less effective than positive reinforcement. Ex. a child who stops a behavior because her parent yells at her is trying to get rid of the negative reinforcer (the yelling).
Most people would probably agree that positive behaviors are good things to encourage and be supportive of. Most people support things like donating to charity, being polite to everyone, giving a hug or a kind word to someone who is feeling down, etc. And individual communities and society as a whole provide both positive and negative reinforcement for all manner of things. That said, the question may be less about character development instead of behavior modification and more about how we go about finding a balance between the two.
Finding balance may seem pretty straightforward, but things can get tricky. Why? Because while there are positive and negative behaviors that most of us can agree on, there are some behaviors that most people can’t agree on. Some people believe certain things are okay, and other people believe those things are not okay. Further, some people disagree with certain behaviors to the extent that they believe that it’s society’s responsibility or their community’s responsibility to make sure no one engages in those behaviors. So how do we find that balance?
The important thing to remember is that love is the rule, so everything we believe AND everything we do should stem from the principle of unconditional love. In this context, love should perhaps lead us to ask ourselves questions, such as:
What behaviors do I consider to be “good”, and why? Does my belief stem from my own understanding and conviction? Does my belief stem from someone else’s understanding/conviction and my concern for what they will think of me or do to me?
How do I prioritize the behaviors I consider to be “good” (i.e. the positive behaviors that are the most important and have the most impact on the world around you may take priority over the positive behaviors that are less important because they have less impact)?
When I do something I believe is good, what’s my motivation/intention? Do I do good because I want to be rewarded/viewed positively by other people? Do I do good because I’m afraid of receiving punishment/negative feedback from other people? Do I do good because I am convicted in my heart that I should?
What type of punishment/reinforcement am I most responsive to? When I want to improve myself, what kind of feedback inspires me the most? Who, if anyone, do I feel safe and confident receiving feedback from? What makes me feel safe and confident in this person(s)?
And if you see someone exhibiting behaviors that you believe are negative:
Is this behavior causing immediate and/or irreparable physical, mental, and/or emotional harm to this person, me, or someone else? Note: If the answer is yes, you may need to consider getting a family member and/or law enforcement involved.
Does this person believe their behavior is negative?
What is my relationship with this person? How well do I know this person? How well does this person know me? Have they explicitly invited me to give them feedback?
What is my motive/intent in giving feedback? Are my intentions pure, unselfish, and genuine? Am I being honest with myself about my intentions?
How does my feedback stand to benefit this person? Is there any way my feedback could potentially do more harm than good?
What kind of punishment/reinforcement is this person most responsive to? Am I communicating my feedback effectively? Am I communicating my feedback in a way that reflects my understanding of the person I am sharing it with?
We don’t have the power to make people change or to force them to agree with us on what constitutes “good” or “bad”, but we do have the power to live our own lives consistently with what we believe and to support and encourage others in their pursuit to do the same. Loving means being present, being engaged, avoiding making assumptions, and putting our own egos and agendas aside in order to do what’s best for each other. We probably won’t always agree on everything, but being there for each other and working together towards being the best people we can be isn’t a bad start.
What do you think? Is behavior modification good or bad? What motivates you to change things about yourself: fear or conviction or both? Has anyone ever tried to change you? If so, how did that make you feel? What does being a “good” person or doing “good” mean to you? Let us know in the comments below!
Hello, my name is Paige Baxter. I’ve recently gone through a life-changing, personal healing journey. During that journey, my mindset, thinking, how I act, and even the things that I post on social media have changed. I was asked by my cousin to share my views with you all, not only on my journey, but on the power of forgiveness. First things first, though. I think it is important for you to know a little bit about my journey and how I got here……….
I’ve put tons of energy into myself in 2019. I’ve purposely invested time in myself in order to truly heal…heal my soul and my heart. Through my healing journey, I was blessed enough to find God again, and at a time in my life when I needed him the most. You see, I was at a place in my life where I needed to re-find my glory, remember whose child I was, and rediscover my true life’s calling. Finding God this time around was different than when I found him during my years in the church. Being able to reconnect with him on a spiritual level has given me the ability to not only understand certain things in the Bible, but to have a better understanding of how the universe, karma, vibrations, thoughts, and energy all work and flow together to create our reality. My faith and belief in God are stronger than ever before and it’s now a bond and a unique understanding that can never be broken. No, I’m not Christian, and I do not practice religion. I believe in spirituality, meditating, smudging, crystals, chakras, sage, and energy. I believe in the power of the SOUL and its ability to connect with God on a spiritual level.
As I poured energy into myself and God, beautiful things began to take place in my life. Once strained relationships began to heal all on their own, my spirit became lighter, my light began to shine brighter, my heart became happier, and my smile became infectious. I realized that in doing this I had begun to heal myself from the inside, which in turn manifested into my reality on the outside.
One day, I sat back and took the time to realize how healing my soul also allowed me to forgive, major key! We will all face hurt, pain, and trauma in our lives. It’s similar to death in that it’s inevitable. I realized that before I took the time and effort to heal myself, I had never been able to forgive the people who had hurt me throughout the years; the people that betrayed me, played me, abandoned me, tried to break me, and legit prayed for my downfall. I carried that pain with me every day and I took it everywhere I went. It became the unseen baggage in my life. It created an internal weight on me, causing me to become emotional every time I spoke about it. It made my soul heavy.
It’s funny to me now because I used to preach forgiveness to my friends and family, but I didn’t even know what it was or what it even really felt like. Through healing and through God, first and foremost, I was able to be made whole again, and in that, I was able to forgive all of those that spoke against or trespassed against me. Through loving God and myself, I was able to let go of the pain and the baggage, truly letting the past stay in the past; it was at that point that I realized that I was able to forgive EVERYONE! I did not carry them with me everywhere, and I no longer took that pain and anguish with me either. My soul became lighter and started to shine brighter and brighter.
What are the lessons about forgiveness that I have learned throughout my healing journey, you ask?
Recently, I was on social media and I ran across a post from one of the many people who have trespassed in my life. I immediately began typing, preparing to point out their hypocrisy and decided to speak my “truth” and “expose” them. As I laid there trying to come with what I was going to say, how I was going to say it, and if it would be too many characters to fit in the comment box….something happened. A voice (God) came over me, and I felt a sense of calmness, and “exposing” that person was no longer on my spirit. Through forgiving them and a strong relationship with God, I realized that having the last word is not always needed. I know what happened, they know what they did, and no matter how it’s masked, in reality, there is also another person that knows, too: my mighty and faithful God.
At the end of the day, we all have to answer for our sins, mistakes, shortcomings and wrongdoings. I won’t have to answer for what they did, but I will have to answer for what I did with my time on this planet. When I thought about my answer to “exposing” said person, I realized I couldn’t even use the “I didn’t know better at the time” excuse; I did know better, so I listened to God and decided against it.
Growth for me was walking away from an opportunity like that and keeping it between God and I. When I sat down and thought about it, I was able to do that through the power of forgiveness. When I realized the power that forgiveness created in my life, I realized the pain, hurt and the people that did those things no longer had power over me. For years, I’ve heard people say “you forgive people for yourself, not for them” and never got it…until I was today years old. Through the power of forgiving, I was able to release my traumatic baggage by relinquishing their power/hold over my life.
All in all, my good people, don’t let the trespassers against you win. Believe in God, believe in yourself, in your light, and in love. If you don’t take away anything else from me and my journey, just remember, they failed because God WON! Peace, Prosperity, Positivity, Aśe! – Paigey B.
Paige Baxter was born and raised on the west side of Detroit. She has a BA in Psychology from Wayne State University. Her love and passion for mental health and for working with children placed a calling on her life to be a social worker, a field she’s worked in for the last 3 years. She seeks to impact the world through her testimony, her ability to uplift, encourage, and inspire others to believe in themselves. She wants people to see the beauty within themselves and recognize their own worth and just how amazing and magical they can be. She takes pride in being blessed so that she may be a blessing to others. She believes that is the true meaning of being human and being a child of God.
If there is one thing I know, it’s church. My mother was a choir director when my brothers and I were very young. Consequently, we got an extra dose of church due to choir or praise team practice. Late into Friday night, we would sit on those hard pews as the choir worked out the selections for Saturday’s service.
I knew, like all the youth, every crack and crevice of that old church. I knew every exit, every closet and every stairwell. There was no room that I had not thoroughly explored. During those years, it was a vast magical world. Magical because every so often strange things would happen.
I’ve observed the ushers in white collect the morning’s tithes and offerings while the congregation sang “You Can’t Beat God’s Giving”. So often the choir sang until screams rang out in the sanctuary. The spirit caused folk to rock side to side and lift their hands. And when they couldn’t take it anymore, they would wail. They would wail and they could not be comforted. An usher would have to lead them out of the sanctuary until the spirit turned them loose.
I’ve seen the sanctuary filled with white smoke when there was no fire. I was taught that it was the Shekinah. It meant the presence of God had filled the sanctuary. I’ve watched with fascination as the preacher preached himself into a fit. He seemed to strain underneath the weight of delivering the word of God. I recall Pastor Penn, a deep baritone, would sing his favorite song before every sermon. James Cleveland’s, “I Don’t Feel No Ways Tired”. Bellowing,
During my final two years of high school, I lived with my grandparents in Buffalo, NY. Life had become extremely complex overnight. I was faced with all the dangers and obstacles that most inner-city youth are faced with; drugs, violence, crime, sex, etc. I was trying to find myself in the midst of it all.
One night, I prayed to God and asked him to reveal himself. I told him that if He didn’t, I would live my life on my terms. I didn’t set any parameters. I only asked that it be undeniable. I needed to know God was real.
A few hours later, around 5 am, someone called the house phone, which lay directly beside my Grandmother. She answered the phone, at first concerned, and then irritated when the caller asked for me.
“Robert. Robert! It’s for you!” my Grandmother yelled with so much disagreeableness that I swore I would slap whatever fool thought it was a good idea to call the house phone this early. Everyone knows you don’t just call the house phone all willy nilly. “Hello.”
“What do you want?” The caller asked in such an agitated tone you would have thought I’d woken him from his sleep.
“What? Who is this? You…you called me.” I responded confused and groggy.
“Its Paul. What. Do. You. Want?” He replied with increasing annoyance.
“Bruh.” I had to pause and collect myself. I wasn’t known for my patience or gentleness in those days. “Bruh.Yoooouuuuu called ME. What do YOU want???”
“Robert. What do you want?!?!”
“What in the world is…”
“Robert, God has been bothering me about you all week. He would not let me sleep until I called you. I have to work in a few hours. WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT???”
I felt the world shrink in that moment. I had communicated with the spirit or my conscience my entire life. “Robert, don’t do that.” “Robert, you should apologize.” “Robert, don’t say that.” I very rarely headed that voice. It was as if, in frustration, the voice stepped out of my head and spoke through someone else. It is very strange to hear the prayers you prayed in your bedroom answered through a man in another city. I felt very small and I’ve never really felt alone again.
Paul was my Mom’s friend. He was in that choir that I was telling you about. That morning, Paul and I had our first of many conversations. He prayed with me and he went to sleep. I spent the rest of the morning trying to wrap my mind around what had happened.
I don’t attend church much nowadays. I have my reasons. Reasons I know are valid. But that’s a story for another time. I’m like an Old Testament prophet. I only show up in church to teach and rebuke. I’m only slightly joking.
Anyway, for the past few years my relationship with God has existed primarily in the place we found each other. I’ve developed a rich and complex relationship with the God of the Universe, The Most High God, within the four walls where I lay my head at night. Our relationship is lit. And though he is called by many names, He never did tell me his. So I call him the Bedroom God. He doesn’t seem to mind.
That’s where my allegiance lies. That’s who I worship. That’s my truth. All praises due to the Bedroom God.
By the way, my name’s Robert. But call me Rob. I look forward to meeting you! We’ll talk more soon.
Robert Allen Bailey hails from Western NY and holds a BA in Theology from Oakwood University and two Masters degrees (Social Work and M.S. in Community and International Development) from Andrews University. He now serves as a Therapist at Beach Stone Counseling and the Urban League. He is also the founder and lead facilitator of 19E Training and Development. Robert stakes his hope and his work in the spirit of David when he said, “I would have fainted if I did not believe I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”
Now that you’ve established your thoughts regarding religion and its place in the world, it’s time to think about the “Spirituality vs. Religion” debate and what that means for you. We’re sure that you’ve heard people say, “I’m spiritual, but not religious.” Nowadays, an increasing number of people use that phrase as a way of challenging the idea that organized religion is the only or the most valuable way to further spiritual growth. Historically, the words religious and spiritual have been used interchangeably to describe all the various aspects of the concept of religion. Recently, however, spirituality more often refers to the interior life of the individual, emphasizing a personal relationship with God or a higher being and personal exploration/growth/conviction, while religion generally refers to organizational or communal culture and doctrinal beliefs. So which is better? Or does it matter?
Here’s what we know:
Spirituality is “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.” “Religion” usually refers to “a particular system of faith and worship,” but it can also be broadly defined as “[t]he belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods.”
According to a study conducted by Pew Research Center in 2012, the number of Americans who do not identify with any religion increased from 15% in 2007 to 20% in 2012, and that number has continued to grow. One-fifth of the U.S. public and a third of adults under the age of 30 were reportedly unaffiliated with any religion but identify as being spiritual in some way. Of those religiously unaffiliated Americans, 37% classified themselves as spiritual but not religious, while 68% said they did believe in God, and 58% feel a deep connection to the Earth.
Linda A. Mercadante categorizes people who identify as “spiritual but not religious” into five distinct categories (Mercandante, Linda A. (2014), Belief without borders: inside the minds of the spiritual but not religious, New York, NY: Oxford University Press, p. 35-67):
“Dissenters” are the people who, for the most part, make a conscious effort to veer away from institutional religion. “Protesting dissenters” are those who have been ‘turned off’ by religious affiliation because of adverse personal experiences with it. “Drifted Dissenters” refers to those who, for a multitude of reasons, fell out of touch with organized religion and chose never to go back. “Conscientious objector dissenters” refers to those who are overtly skeptical of religious institutions and are of the view that religion is neither a useful nor necessary part of an individual’s spirituality.
“Casuals” are the people who see religious and/or spiritual practices as primarily functional. Spirituality is not an organizing principle in their lives. Rather they believe it should be used on an as-needed basis for bettering their health, relieving stress, and for emotional support. The spirituality of “Casuals” is thus best understood as a “therapeutic” spirituality that centers on the individual’s personal wellbeing.
“Explorers” are the people who seem to have what Mercandante refers to as a “spiritual wanderlust”. They find their constant search for novel spiritual practices to be a byproduct of their “unsatisfied curiosity”, their desire for journey and change, as well as feelings of disappointment. Explorers are best understood as “spiritual tourists” who take comfort in the destination-less journey of their spirituality and have no intention of ultimately committing to a spiritual home.
“Seekers” are those people who are looking for a spiritual home but contemplate recovering earlier religious identities. They embrace the “spiritual but not religious” label and are eager to find a completely new religious identity or alternative spiritual group that they can ultimately commit to.
“Immigrants” are those people who have found themselves in a novel spiritual realm and are trying to adjust themselves to this newfound identity and its community. “Immigrants” can be best understood as those who are “trying on” a radically new spiritual environment but have yet to feel completely settled there. It is important to note that for them, although they are hoping to become fully integrated in their newfound spiritual identities, the process of acclimation is difficult and often disconcerting.
Spirituality and religion are both difficult to box into just one perspective or way of thinking. It seems that many people struggle to nail down and define exactly what they believe, even those who belong to organized religious structures. There are many people who label themselves something, but when they really have to think about it, they find themselves explaining the aspects of that belief system or ideology that they don’t necessarily agree with. There are also people who don’t label themselves or subscribe to anything at all, and subsequently “get lost in the sauce,” i.e. they don’t have any sort of foundation to ground themselves in.
No matter what you call yourself, the important thing to remember is who you are, the kind of person you want to be, what you stand for, and why. If your religion or your spirituality or lack thereof aren’t making you a better person and inspiring you to have a positive impact on the world around you, that’s what you should consider re-evaluating. Having a community to hold you accountable can be beneficial, but if you aren’t motivated to hold yourself to a certain standard regardless of who you think may be watching, how effective can you say that community is? And who says it has to be one or the other? If the goal is personal growth and accountability, the way you pursue that may be less important than the pursuit itself.
What do you think? Is spirituality or religion preferable to the other, or are they really the same thing? If you consider yourself to be “religious,” what does that mean to you and why? If you consider yourself to be “spiritual,” what does that mean to you and why?
We’ve reached the point where we discuss a topic that most people have opinions on but they either don’t like to talk about or can’t talk about without arguing: Religion! Right now, more than 75% of the world’s population is a part of some religious community. The word “religion” is perhaps derived from the Latin word “religare”, meaning “bind together”. Historically, one positive aspect of religion has been its ability to unite people in common beliefs and practices for a shared common goal. However, that unity has also been known to become warped, with religion being used to justify doing harm rather than good. So what does that mean for us? Is religion good, bad, irrelevant, or obsolete?
Here’s what we know:
1. No one really knows where “religion” originated. According to anthropologists John Monaghan and Peter Just, “Many of the great world religions appear to have begun as revitalization movements of some sort, as the vision of a charismatic prophet fires the imaginations of people seeking a more comprehensive answer to their problems than they feel is provided by everyday beliefs (Monaghan, John; Just, Peter (2000). Social & Cultural Anthropology. New York: Oxford University Press. p. 126).”
2. Religious development has taken different forms in different cultures. Some religions emphasize practice, while others emphasize beliefs or doctrines. Some religions prioritize people having their own personal (subjective) religious experiences, while others consider the activities of the religious community as a whole to be the most important thing. Some religions claim to be universal, believing their laws must be (or eventually will be) followed by everyone, while others are designed to only be practiced by a select group (Monaghan, John; Just, Peter (2000). Social & Cultural Anthropology. New York: Oxford University Press. p. 124).
3. Anthropologists John Monoghan and Peter Just also state that “it seems apparent that one thing religion or belief helps us do is deal with problems of human life that are significant, persistent, and intolerable. One important way in which religious beliefs accomplish this is by providing a set of ideas about how and why the world is put together that allows people to accommodate anxieties and deal with misfortune (Monaghan, John; Just, Peter (2000). Social & Cultural Anthropology. New York: Oxford University Press. p. 124).”
Very few human communities have existed without some sort of religious belief system being incorporated into their culture. Although many people would deny that they are religious, with an estimated 4,200 different religions currently in practice worldwide, others would argue that religion is as intrinsic to human beings as is breathing.
What do you think? Do we need religion? If so, why? If not, why? Is there a way to incorporate the good things religion has to offer into our lives without taking on the bad? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Hello, my name is David Baxter. I was born in 1956 to an interracial couple in the City of Detroit, MI. Growing up amidst the Civil Rights and Black Power Movements while having a Caucasian woman as my mother made my adolescent years extremely challenging. It became clear to me that being fully accepted into the society I lived in was never going to happen. Even excelling athletically (I was the 61st player selected in the 1978 NBA Draft) could not get me over the hump. After a brief professional career, I retired and used drugs and alcohol to mask the pain caused by years of rejection.
In 1984, a high school friend shared his faith in Christ with me and after a few Bible studies, I became a Christian, too, and I was baptized. That suppressed my pain for a while and I served faithfully in my church for 30 years, only to reach a place where I discovered that I had more questions than the church’s teachings had answers. My faith gave way to doubt and my uncertainty in God’s love for me led me to choose the path of the prodigal son, and I ended up going to a proverbial “far country.”
While I was in the “pig pen” expecting God’s wrath to come in whatever form, even illness or death, I waited…and waited…and it was there that I actually discovered His mercy. Whether I stayed in the “miry clay” or returned to “my Father’s house”, He revealed to me that His love has no conditions. That revelation freed me, and I chose to return to my amazing wife and children. My family also embraced me for who I was, a flawed human being. Their capacity to forgive me and love me through my healing as they were going through their own healing processes helped me to see in them something I’d never seen before: the love of God with no conditions.
I now have a newfound hope and renewed purpose and I can say, like God’s servant Job in Job 42:5, “I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eyes see you.” Thank you, Father. Thank you, Renée. I love you.
Last week, we discussed whether or not God exists. If you don’t believe that God exists, that discussion kind of just ends there lol But for those who do believe that God exists, the next logical question is, “Who do you say God is?”
Again, the answer may seem obvious, but is it? Because the importance of asking that question is less about trying to define who God is and more about setting a foundation for the rest of your ideological framework. Why? Because everything you believe rests on who you believe God to be.
Here’s what we know: 1. Every culture has had a unique experience with what they consider to be some version of a higher power, and that experience is reflected in their religious ideologies. 2. It’s impossible for any one person or group to have a monopoly on knowledge regarding a higher power because we are all limited. 3. Whatever you believe about a higher power should be worth believing in and it should make sense.
Knowing who you believe God to be is imperative for establishing a clear line of reasoning from “point A” (who you say God is) to “point B” (your beliefs regarding your responsibilities to God, yourself, and others) to “point C” (how you interact with the world around you). That might seem pretty straightforward, but it’s super easy for those points to disconnect. For example, it’s easy to say that you believe God is (insert characteristic here), but if your beliefs regarding your responsibilities to God, yourself, and others don’t reflect that… if you’re not representing a God who is (insert characteristic here) in your interactions with the people around you…do you really believe that God is (insert characteristic here)? Or are you saying it because it sounds good while your actions communicate something else?
It’s also important to remember that your mindset about who God is should make sense. Believing that God has qualities that create contradictions within God’s character could create inconsistencies in your belief system . . . which turns into inconsistencies in how you treat people and how you interact with the world around you. Our actions are what give insight into who we are and the beliefs that make us that way and people are going to be turned off from you and your beliefs if they can’t count on you (and whatever God you are representing) to be consistent.
Those are some points to consider as you take some time this week to think about who you believe God is. Who DO you say God is? And what makes you believe that about God? Share your thoughts below!
