Tag: The One Rule Church

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Relationships are like…Group Projects

By Kara M. Young

Do you remember group projects in school? Maybe you’re still in school and you still have to do them. If you’re anything like me, you think group projects are the worst! A project that might have been easy to do on my own would suddenly become complicated with the introduction of another person and the process of figuring out how to split the work. The only saving grace would be if my partner turned out to be someone who was competent, reliable, and who helped make the finished product better than it would have been had I done it on my own. And I think the same concept applies to relationships.

Let’s imagine that life is the project. You’re working on it, getting things done. You have your friends, family, teachers, etc., to help guide you and support you along the way, but the project is ultimately still yours. Then one day, you decide you want a partner…and that’s when it becomes really, really important to understand not only how serious that decision is, but also the purpose and intention that has to go into making it.

Creating an awesome “project” requires time, hard work, vision, and consistency. Once you become an adult, accomplishing your goals, figuring out what you want and where you want to take your life is totally up to you because you’re in charge and the only person you have to worry about (from a romantic standpoint if not from a practical standpoint) is yourself. When you start thinking about taking on a partner, one of the most important questions you’ll want to ask yourself is, “Why?” Do you want a partner because you don’t want to work on your project alone? Do you want a partner because other people have them and it looks like working on your project with someone could be fun? Or do you want a partner because you know who you are, what you want, where you’re going, and you’ve found someone who pushes you to better yourself in every way? Do you want a partner because you’ve found someone who is competent, reliable, and who helps make your life better than what you could create on your own?

Asking yourself those questions is important because a good partner is more than feelings or attraction. You can love your best friend and still not want to be partners with your best friend because your best friend is bad at projects. You can think someone is good-looking and still not want to be partners with that person because they’re bad at projects lol. You have to go into looking for a partner really thinking about it as a life partnership rather than something that’s just supposed to feel good or attempts to live up to a fairy tale version of what love is. Further, viewing your relationship as a potential life partnership makes it easier to focus on whether or not a partnership actually works instead of ignoring red flags or glossing over issues because you want to make it work. Why force a partnership that’s not going to produce a great project when you can focus on creating the best project you can unless/until someone comes along who can make you AND your project better?

I’m saying all this to say, you’re awesome. You’re capable. You’re here and you can put in the work to create the life you want for yourself. When you believe in your worth and the value you bring to a partnership, you know that you can’t partner up with just anyone and that’s not a bad thing. It may take some time, but if/when the right person comes along, you’ll see that a “group project” can actually be fun, and the outcome just might end up being better than you could have ever hoped for.

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First-Time Fatherhood

Since the birth of our son, quite a few people have asked me, “How does it feel to be a father?” and I’ve never had a real answer. I’ve always said something along the lines of, “I don’t know,” or “I’m still processing it.” To be honest, at the moment of writing this, I still don’t believe I have an answer to that question, yet here I am writing on fatherhood, writing an answer to the question I’ve dodged for the last 3 months. So how do I feel? I have given it quite a bit of thought and there are a few feelings that I can point to.

The first emotion I’m working through is scared. I’ve always wanted to be a father, but I never truly understood the gravity of what that title held. Being a father meant I had to be a protector, priest, and provider for my family. And as a husband, you can add on the title of the “pursuer” of my wife. I guess the naivety was born out of how easy my dad made it seem to do all of those things for my brother and I. Never once did I worry about life while growing up. I didn’t have to worry about my next meal, clothes, or where we were going to sleep that night. I never worried about not getting birthday or Christmas presents. And don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying that if you did face these things, your dad wasn’t a great dad or that he didn’t try his best. I’m saying that based on my reality, fatherhood seemed effortless. I liken the feeling of being scared to the time when I turned 21. My parents sent me a card and the gist of it was “Welcome to adulthood, no turning back now!” I was terrified. It meant that I had to start being more responsible. I was about to graduate from college, head off to grad school, and I was officially about to live on my own for the first time. I had to get a real job and pay most of my bills now. All of that hit me at once and I was honestly scared. I was scared, but I didn’t run. Instead, I leaned into the challenge of adulthood and I’m still learning how to be a decent functioning adult. Now, I’m a husband and a father and again, I’m leaning into this new transition of life. There’s no turning back now. I read in a book somewhere that the difference between being scared and being excited is the way you think about the situation. The physiological response for both feelings is almost identical. So to be fair, I’m more excited than I am scared of being a father.

I’ve also learned that even with the work I’ve done on my ego, I still have quite a way to go (I sound pretty high and mighty there, I know). It’s funny because shortly after my son was born, my ego took a hit. All of a sudden I felt inadequate. I’m going to choose my next set of words wisely and I must admit this feeling was borne out of pride that got put in its place. Here goes. As a man, I have this inherent desire to want to feel needed. Naturally, when my son was born, I felt as if I would be the main one to give him the comfort that he needed. I was wrong. I’ll never forget the night when he was just crying and crying and nothing I did consoled him. However, his mother, in all her glory and love, was able to take him and soothe him to sleep. I was jealous, and in the immediate moment after that feeling, I asked myself, “Why do you feel this way? Why do you feel hurt? Bruised?” That taught me a lesson in humility. Sometimes (more often than not, to be honest), you can’t fix or solve all the problems. Know your limitations and let someone do the things you can’t. 

Lastly, I have had a mixture of feelings that can only be described as “pride and joy.” I’ve loved my son since before he was born, and to be able to hold him in my arms allowed a rush of pride and happiness to flow through me. I helped create this amazing human being. My son, my namesake, my seed. As I thought of all the things he’ll accomplish, lives he’ll impact, the company he’ll keep, pride was the only thing I felt. It was a deep sense of satisfaction and pleasure in believing wholeheartedly in the man I know my son will become. No matter how scared or how bruised my ego is, I will always love, protect, and provide for him. I vow to ensure that he can pursue his dreams and goals with my support. I vow to be the best dad I possibly can. 

So what’s it like being a father? This is my answer… for now. This journey has only just begun.

– James C  

James Campbell is a husband, father, and business owner with a background in Chemistry. His vision is to empower and mentor the next generation to their fullest potential, with the intention of creating a generation of leaders. 
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Be Bold

by Sarina Campbell

Walking back to my room from the Office of Spiritual Life at Oakwood University was a bit different that day. I had just come from leading our weekly meeting and the cloud that had shown up without invitation seemed to linger. It was a sunny day, but I was feeling heavy and cloudy. The weather outside did not match how I was feeling at all.

Being a ministry leader was rewarding, but it could also get lonely. You’re surrounded by people and encouraging them in their spiritual walks even when you’re not quite sure where you stand at times. A lot is expected of you and part of that expectation involves others assuming how strong your faith is at any given time.

As I got closer to my destination, I startled myself as I suddenly looked up to the sky and blurted out words that terrified me: “Why don’t I believe you love me?!” Even typing that brings me back to that moment. I heard God say, “Thank you,” and I immediately asked, “Why?’, to which He replied, “For being honest.” The conversation ended there, but it was the beginning of a new understanding for me. That exchanged revealed to me that I had become accustomed to showing up to my relationship with Christ in a timid way. I had not been taught to just ask the questions that burned in my mind. And when I felt abandoned, I didn’t let myself really feel it. I didn’t allow myself to acknowledge my uncertainties because I wasn’t “supposed” to be unsure, right? But my conditioning was incorrect.  And the crazy thing was that Scripture didn’t even share that sentiment!

I’ve learned that God isn’t scared of my doubts. God isn’t taken aback by my worries. God isn’t shaken by my fears. God is not rattled by my questions. He’s inviting our faith AND our questions. God wants all of us…all of me. I love how this passage reads in The Message Bible:

“Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.”

Hebrews 4:14-16 MSG

If you’re reading this, I hope you realize that your questions are not silly or unwanted. I hope you embrace a picture of a God who welcomes your fears and wants to ease your mind. My walk with Jesus is ever-changing, and I’m learning that there is no one “right way” to reach Him, because He’s reaching out for us right where we are. And for that, I’ll always be grateful.


Sarina Campbell is a Business Owner with a youth and young adult ministry background who has a heart for both Jesus and people. Also a wife and mother, she enjoys sharing her thoughts on spirituality, life, entrepreneurship, and love. 
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Kara’s Truth

By Kara M. Young

Hi. My name is Kara. I was raised to be a Christian, but about 10 years ago, I made the decision to embark on a journey of spiritual and self-discovery. I started questioning the things I’d been conditioned to believe and I started learning to look at the world beyond what I’d been able to see through my own rose-tinted lenses. However, the more I grew, the less I fit in….anywhere, really. I knew there were people who were asking the same questions I was asking and who were on similar journeys, but I was never able to find an established religion or group or label that didn’t try to box me in. I didn’t want a millennial-friendly, repackaged version of the same things I’d been told my whole life, either. I had valid questions and real-life problems I was dealing with, but I couldn’t find a place where I was free to believe and grow as I saw fit and where I could actually do more than just talk about the pain and suffering in the world. I always hoped that one day I could create a space for people like me to be free, and it’s honestly crazy that my dream is becoming a reality.

The One Rule Church is a movement rooted in the belief that unconditional love is the highest moral imperative, and that imperative transcends time, culture, and religion. In other words, this isn’t your normal “church.” We call ourselves a “church” because we are a spiritual community, and we think it’s important to reclaim that word from all of the negative things it has come to mean for so many. For us, the difference is that we don’t pretend to have it all together. We don’t have one set belief system that everyone has to conform to. We don’t have a bunch of rules that everyone has to follow. We don’t believe that any one person or group has “the truth.” We’re just a group of people who are trying to make sense of the world and our places in it. We know we’re no better or “more enlightened” than anyone else and that we need to surround ourselves with people who are different from us because that is the only way we can continue to challenge ourselves to grow and become better. We believe that love, in its purest form, can be revolutionary.

Unconditional love is transformative. It brings healing to so much of the pain life has caused all of us, and healing those wounds allows us to view each other more clearly. Being able to see our humanity reflected in the next person despite our differences helps to dispell the fears associated with those we formerly couldn’t understand. And then love calls each of us to the highest level of personal accountability. It’s not about trying to change other people or looking to other people to confirm or deny what our responsibilities to each other are. It’s about each of us choosing to be the change we want to see in the world around us and setting the standard for ourselves rather than merely falling in line with what someone else has decided is “good”. It’s easy to believe that our responsibility on this planet begins and ends with not doing the “wrong” things. It’s harder to learn to live with the awareness that being your “brother’s keeper” means doing what’s actually best for someone else rather than getting caught up in our own presumptive opinions and agendas.

But don’t get me wrong lol I can’t paint a “picture perfect image” of myself and I have no desire to. I don’t always love the way I know I’m supposed to and some people may look at my life and say it’s too flawed to be starting something like this. I’ve only been married for about 2 months, but I have a son who is almost 14 months old (you do the math lol). I lived with my husband before we got married. I dress how I feel and it’s not always “modest” lol I like to go out with my friends when I can and I don’t always say the right things and I’m super sensitive and you know what? I’m not ashamed of any of it. It’s me. It’s real. It’s my life and I’m beyond proud of the person I am today and of the fact that I’m even still here because that means I didn’t give up, even on the days I wasn’t sure I could keep going. And if you’re reading this, I’m proud of you, too, because it means that you haven’t given up, either. It means I have the opportunity to tell you that you matter and you’re good enough and you deserve to be loved unconditionally because we’re all imperfect. We all mess up. None of us do everything right and you don’t have to be more than what you are to be seen and cared for. And I’m not just saying that because it sounds good. I’m saying it because I get it. I needed someone to say it to me. And that’s why it means so much for me to be present and give that to as many people as I can.

So that’s me. That’s why I’m doing this. I’m here because I need it as much as anyone else might need it and I’m just hoping that all the love-minded people can band together, support each other, and share our hearts with whoever needs that. If that’s not for you, no hard feelings lol I still love you. But if it is for you, I’m excited to move forward together in making love the solution 🙂

xoxo -ky

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Does God Exist?

The answer seems obvious, right? If you do believe in God, God’s existence isn’t even a question. And if you don’t believe in God, God’s non-existence isn’t even a question. So how do we figure out what’s true?

Here’s what we know:

  • If there is a God, no one living today has seen God in the same tangible way we can see and interact with each other.
  • No one living today has ventured beyond our solar system, so no one can definitively say what is or is not out there.
  • We’re all limited and we only utilize about 10% of our brainpower, so there’s a lot out there lurking beyond what we’re currently capable of understanding.

That said, understanding the power of believing is a game-changer. To believe something is to “accept [it] as true; feel sure of the truth of.” Believing does not mean that something is, in fact, true. Believing means that you accept and feel sure that something is true, even if you can’t tangibly prove it. So when we ask the question, “Does God exist?”, it’s less about what’s actually true (because that can’t be definitively proven one way or the other) and more about what you believe to be true and why you believe it. Another word for that belief is faith.

The definition of the word “faith” is having “complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” When it comes to both believing (and sometimes not believing) in God, faith is a necessary element. However, what is not necessary is unsubstantiated (i.e. blind) faith, and it’s important to know what your faith, or lack thereof, is based on. Evidence-based belief is subjective because the type of evidence that is good enough for one person may not be good enough for someone else, but that’s okay because that’s kind of the point. Your faith or lack of faith in something shouldn’t be based on what’s good enough for someone else. In order to have faith in something, you have to be able to have complete trust in it, and what each of us needs to feel confident in doing that varies. If you know what you believe or what you don’t believe and why, that’s amazing, and we’d love to hear the reasons why you’re so confident. But if you don’t have that confidence, that’s okay, too, because it means you’re thinking and you have questions, which means you’re open to finding the answers you need to nail down what you believe, and that’s what’s most important.

Do you believe in God? Why or why not? What evidence do you base your belief on? Let us know in the comments below!